It is Because of You. . .

You know, when Bart first got cancer it opened up a whole new world. I found out so many people that I knew where are affected by that disease. Now that he's passed away,  I'm finding out more and more people are affected by this tragedy as well.

I read a blog today. Its called My Sunshine Story . It's about a remarkable young woman who lost her husband. And in the description she talks about how she chose to live.  I feel I'm doing the same. I am hitting the road blocks that I need to hit however -- I need to feel the grief, I need to feel the pain, & I need to cry. But like her, I choose to live. I choose to be happy! I choose to move forward, not forgetting the past.

Bart is amazing . He had so much strength. He had so much love for so many people. So many people he didn't even know, he wished he could help.  

When talking to a few people lately about my feelings, I mentioned to them that I felt guilty for being happy right now . I feel guilty for being able to do a lot of the things I haven't been able to do in a really long time . Things for myself, things for my boys , and things for others! Being a caregiver for such a long time is really hard. I didn't realize the toll it took me until now. But I wouldn’t change a thing...

Because Bart is an amazing man, and he cared so much about people, and especially about me and his little boys. . . he's making sure we are happy and ok. He is responsible for a lot of the tender mercies that come my way.

After a long, teary talk with my sister, in which she reminded me of Bart's giving nature, I got off the phone and turned on the radio in my car . The song by Bryan Adams was playing ,  "Everything I do, I do it for you."  By listening to the words of that song, they have taken on a whole new meaning to me.. Surely, he didn't die for me , but he made sure that in his passing and I was taken care of.  In talking with my new "widow friends" they have similar experiences with songs that play JUST at the right moment. Knowing what I know, and believing wholeheartedly in what I believe... Nothing is left to coincidence. Bart did everything in this life for his family, and he continues to do that from Heaven.

I was watching Undercover Boss today, holy cow Bart loved that show. I pretty much bawled after every story. :) Bart really wanted to do that someday for someone. So many times we had a lot of people talk to us about the natural treatments that he was receiving and they wanted to try them for themselves, but they knew their insurance wouldn't pay for them. So they ended up not going. This broke his heart, and he would talk about that a lot.  How he wished he could help them all. He offered to pay for one man's first treatments with what little money that we had. He spent his whole life, making life better for everyone else . Truly , I believe that he is still on that mission making life easier . Not only mine, he cares for all he was in contact with and his new friends on the other side I'm sure .

I'm going to quote from the original website Bart's Battle, his brother-in-law put it so well, "Its because of you that the rest of us are blessed..."

I love you Bart Cragun... Thank you for taking care of our little family.  

XoXo,